Life is a fight!

Thank you for my life

2005-05-18T19:06:00.000+08:00

Be my one and all
You could rest within me
A river of image pass through my mind

The bitter kind of life
I have so much without you
You came down to my life and shine me through

You're the only thing I need
The only one I love
The only one I care so much

I know my love is true
If only you could see me through

A thousand days without you I feel alone
But a night with you, even if it's cold
I feel right

Sweet betrayal

2005-05-08T21:33:00.000+08:00

How painful it is to be betrayed by you
When all my love has gone but to your heart

Even now my love is like raindrops
fell on your dessert

How I wish I could grow life in it
How I wish you could see

All my tears could well up the earth
But how can you know if you are blind

If only time could heal
I wish that on my dying bed

Open your eyes and see me
look into my eyes right into my soul

Could you find any ill intention?
Is there darkness in light?

Crucify me if it makes you see
See no light 'till you see darkness

Living with the memory of you

2005-05-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

A ghostly images passes through my mind
It reminds me of you

Why must you leave me in such a short time
And I sleep forever dreaming of you

Your shadow lurking in every corner of me
Burning me with your voices

But is it a smile I saw
Though tears flow from your eyes

I can never live without you
And with just the memory of you I'm fading

When the end reach me can I stand
And face you?

Only then can I guess
The reason for tears in your face

There's a light at the end of a cave

2005-05-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

All alone I was inside this darkness
In my thirst I despaired
In my hunger I cried

But then I met you
You came without a word
But you left me with so many hope

I thought I saw a light
Something bright I never see
There's a world I never saw in you

A picture paints a thousand words
But your face paints a million pictures
Your smile, your gaze

And so I keep on walking
And I reached a hole at the very end
That lead me to your world

Up above there's millions of lights
I could imagine you smiling
It's the same feeling I get

love is seeing

2005-04-30T11:37:00.000+08:00

Hi, today I 'll attempt an article/essay about love... Anyone who see this is free to give comments.

There is a saying 'love is blind'. The reason for this saying could be due to many factors. Some people love someone whom society seen as strange or even unacceptable such as much older people, poor people, disabled, jobless, used-to-be criminals, prostitute, etc. Some people could do the unthinkable for their love such as giving up their social status, riches, body organs to be with their love.

However are they really blinded by their love? In my opinion love is not blind. When people sacrificed their possesion or image or social status for a people, they did so as they saw something lovely in them, which people did not see. For example, they could see sincerity behind an 'ugly' face, the repentance of a prostitute or the humbleness of criminals, they see the maturity of an older person. The notion saying their love is blind because we did not see what they saw. In other words, we are blind.

Only lust can make people blind and perform unacceptable things (such as rape, constant harrassment to the one whom their so-called loved one). People often mixed their love with infatuation and lust. However they are often in conflict. Love will see that the act of harrassing, raping will bring sadness to the other party. However lust is blind of all this. Love will try to understand the other party's feeling, and thought. It will sacrifice even physical closeness if the other party refused to be with them. And it will bring joy to them. However lust very much contains the desire to be satisfied physically.

In love, we have no motive whatsoever. In love there's only sacrificing to be done and joy as a reward. Thus love is ,by definition, the state of wanting to better off someone without any motives or reasons. To many people this definition has a serious flaw. Human is a creature of reason. How can we do a thing without any reason? The answer is because love is a state, a human nature. There's no reason why water will freeze at 0 celcius (under normal condition). It is the nature of water molecule. Loving someone means using our mind(intelligence), body(action) and soul(life). Yes we all have love.

Love is beautiful. You should try to feel the love in you, and others. And start loving.

Love is always kind.
Never jealous.
Never judge.
It counquers fear,
pride,
lust,
and other physical needs.
Love is out of the physical.
Love feels the love inside of others.
always try its best.
Love is not an emotion.
Love gives freedom.
It never force.
It is asking without demanding.
It is talking without speaking.
It is giving without showing.
Love is the greatest gift of all.

Walking towards the sun

2005-04-29T16:56:00.000+08:00

I slowly be able to forget all the unpleasant past... Felt so pety for being angry last time.. Hopefully I can renew our friendship..

I tell myself:
Keep looking towards the sun in my journey of life. All the problems in life is small compare to the beauty and wonder of living.

=)

Hardened Heart

2005-04-28T18:48:00.000+08:00

Just came back from field camp... Sigh.. My predicament come true.. My friendship with a guy just got weakened...
His character brought me to this.... he is judgemental and sometimes momentarily somehow behave as if I'm not his friend.... If the world judge me I wouldn't mind but he is one of my closest friend... He shouted to me to not be rude while I was very busy with my duty... To think that he is one of my closest friend and still didn't know my character.. He should know that I didn't meant to be rude and instead of laughing and talking he should have helped me with my duty...
It's very unusuall for me to snap but what he did just pushed me over the edge and somehow brought the bad, angry, sad, pessimistic side of me.. The timing of it couldn't be better ( I'm in the middle of screening patients, lots of report sick, stress about outfield, sleepy but can't sleep)
Thinking about his bad side now... somehow he always manage to laugh when any insult is being spoken at ( many times about me)... I thought I manage to forget and forgive him about it... Guess it was stored in my sub conscious mind... And it all got blown up.....
Maybe what he said is true... He doesn't laugh about me when insult is being talked... He can be nice and helpful... Maybe in this world is one of the nicer guy...

It's really stressful when on one side I just want to cut off our friendship, on one side I want our friendship to be back as normal...

Even though now we are on talking term already, the relationship may never be the same again...

How I wish...
How I wish I would just die for something good and be in heaven
So I can run away from the influence of the devil
So I can avoid the suffering of the world
So I'll die as a hero
But I knew....
But I knew it wouldn't happened
Because I can have much more use than to die

God gives me power and talent...
One side of me just want to be stupid
ignorant and shallow so I have little responsibility...
One side of me wanted more power
So I can develop it and use it for the goodness of the world...

One side of me knows the dark murderous perverted world we live in...
That side is constantly trying to take over me...
One side of me contains the pure and loving nature of human...
And it's using the dark thoughts to understand the fallen human and save them...
God save me so I can be in the light side...

One side of me said
"life is meaningless, God may not exist, No human is true in friendship"
One side of me says
"I should stay true, God is love and love does exist, some human is true"

All I can say is:
Fight of Faith
Life is a fight!

And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think they will understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Music

2005-04-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

Listening to X Japan song right now... Heavy metal man! It rocks! Relieve my stress to listen this kind of song... Outfield tomorrow but who cares! I ain't give a damn bout army...
I don't believe in killing in the first place... It's human foolishness to go to war! GREED devour us!

Anyway about music.... To create a music
1) you need to be emotional and inspired..
2)Pick a song style
3) Create melody (easier to get the chorus first)
4) Create opening ending etc..
5) Put suitable lyrics

Not saying anything but almost any song you want nowadays can be found on the net! Good thing if store never sell it... Or when u want to cut your budget.. Ha ha... Net Rulez big time...

My first song: (in Indonesian language)

When I started to be with you
A flower bud started to grow
A dew drops on my heart
Taught me that part of my heart is with you

Under the moonlight gaze I promise
To keep our love sacred
Thinking of your smile, I will endure this

To fire up our love,
Even if my flesh and blood has to burn
To defend our love,
I'll climb a mountain 'till the cloud

My life with you, there'll never be darkness
You are the water in my desert
Thinking of your smile I 'll endure this

Always I feel your presence
Feel like living in the clouds

Finally created a blog

2005-04-23T15:47:00.000+08:00

My weblog :)! Hopefully I've the courage to pour out my thoughts and feelings! To anyone who read this wish you a happy day!

a 13 yrs old who ace in A level math...!? Genius.. but what makes a person a genius? Is his brain more complex or more utilized? or is his mind very single minded in solving the problem... To a certain extent i believe our IQ can be increased by our believe and way of thinking... Still remember my teacher said to use our mind as much as we can... The more we think, the better our mind will be...

In a way our brain is similar to computer... Proccessor = how fast we think, RAM= mow many things we can think at one time, Hard drive= How much memory can we store(though our brain should have thousands of gigabytes....
But human still haven't discovered how to create emotion, or life...

Life...??? is it just a mere self sustaining continuous chemical reaction? sigh... then what soul is?